Women Share Their Misogynistic Thoughts and Are Trying to Change — You Might Be Doing the Same
Understanding Internalized Misogyny: Honest Reflections from Women
Internalized misogyny is a complex and often subconscious phenomenon that many women experience. It’s the result of years of societal conditioning, media influence, and cultural norms that shape how women perceive themselves and others. This form of internalized bias can manifest in various ways, from subtle judgments to overt prejudices. Here are some of the most honest reflections shared by women on Reddit and the BisakimiaCommunity about their experiences with internalized misogyny.
1. Competing with Other Women
One common struggle is the instinct to compete with other women, especially in academic or social settings. Many women find themselves comparing their intelligence, appearance, or personality to those around them. This competition often stems from the belief that women must vie for male attention, leading to feelings of guilt and frustration when these thoughts arise.
2. Resentment Toward Exes
Another challenge is dealing with resentment toward ex-partners. Some women have had to go through introspection and therapy to move past the idea that an ex is a threat. Over time, they learn to see exes as just names without emotional attachment, which marks significant progress in overcoming internalized biases.
3. Judging Attractive Women
Many women still hold the belief that attractive women are automatically more mean or shallow. This judgment often comes from a place of insecurity and societal messages that equate beauty with superficiality. Despite knowing this is a harmful stereotype, it’s challenging to shake off these instincts.
4. Impatience with Female Complainants
Some women tend to be less patient with female complainants than with males. This impatience can stem from the belief that women are better at overcoming obstacles, leading to frustration when a woman takes longer to address a problem. Recognizing this pattern is the first step in working on being more understanding and empathetic.
—prolix
5. Fear of Aging
The fear of aging is another prevalent issue. Many women feel uncomfortable looking at mature women, focusing on their “flaws” rather than appreciating their strength and experience. This fear is often tied to societal standards of beauty and the pressure to remain youthful.
—cat_muffin
6. Analyzing Women Through a Male Gaze
Some women find themselves analyzing other women through a male gaze, questioning why anyone would want to date or befriend them. This habit reflects a deep-seated internalized bias that reduces women to objects of desire, rather than recognizing their individuality and worth.
7. Trusting Men Over Women
There’s also a tendency to default to men for help, even when women are equally capable. This bias can come from years of comments implying that men are more competent. It’s a reflection of both societal influences and personal insecurities.
—claymountain
8. Judgment Around Intimacy
Judgment around intimacy and sexual behavior is another form of internalized misogyny. Some women feel cheap or trashy for wanting or having intimate relationships outside of traditional romantic contexts. Social media often exacerbates these feelings, promoting unrealistic standards of femininity.
9. The Male Gaze in the Mind
Many women carry a figurative male gaze in their minds, feeling constantly judged by men, including family members and partners. This internalized surveillance can lead to self-doubt and anxiety, making it difficult to feel truly at ease.
—HuffleHoney
10. Comparison and Jealousy
Comparison and jealousy are common struggles, especially in environments where masculinity is valued. For example, in powerlifting, women may feel jealous of other women who are stronger, reinforcing the idea that male approval is essential.
11. Higher Expectations for Women
Some women hold higher expectations for other women, feeling more disappointed when women make mistakes compared to men. This expectation is rooted in the belief that women should be perfect, leading to unnecessary disappointment and judgment.
—beigecurtains
12. Fear of Being Judged for Weight
Fear of being judged for weight is another common issue. Some women worry that gaining weight could lead to blame for past abuse or infidelity, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about women’s bodies and their worth.
13. Feeling Responsible for Household Tasks
Feeling responsible for household tasks, even when there’s another adult present, is a common struggle. This sense of responsibility can stem from internalized beliefs about women’s roles and the pressure to be perfect.
14. Judgment Based on Makeup
Judgment based on makeup is another form of internalized misogyny. Some women view heavy makeup as a sign of shallowness, even though makeup is increasingly seen as an art form. Recognizing this bias is crucial for personal growth.
—Internet_is_my_bff
15. Fear of Being Seen as a Single Mother
Fear of being judged as a single mother can prevent some women from walking alone with their children. This fear is often tied to societal stigma and the pressure to conform to certain family structures.
16. Judgment of Women with Multiple Partners
Judgment of women with multiple partners is another common issue. This bias can stem from personal experiences and societal messages that stigmatize women who have children with different fathers, reinforcing harmful stereotypes.
—so_anyways
17. Gendering Toys
Gendering toys, such as labeling a toy astronaut as male, is a small but significant form of internalized misogyny. Recognizing and challenging these assumptions is essential for raising children without gendered expectations.
18. Doubting Women’s Capabilities
Doubting women’s capabilities is a pervasive issue. Many women trust men more than women, even when they know the women are equally skilled. This bias can affect professional and personal interactions, reinforcing systemic inequalities.
19. Judgment of Women Who Relinquish Custody
Judging women who relinquish custody of their children is another form of internalized misogyny. This judgment often stems from personal biases and societal expectations about motherhood, making it difficult to support women’s choices.
—still_on_a_whisper
20. Expectation of Struggle in Career
Expecting to struggle more in a career, especially in male-dominated fields, is a common concern. While systemic issues exist, this mindset can lead to pessimism and self-doubt, highlighting the need for support and encouragement.
21. Judging Body Hair and Trends
Judging body hair and trends is another form of internalized misogyny. Some women feel grossed out by long underarm or leg hair, and they judge women who follow trends too quickly. Challenging these judgments is essential for embracing diversity and individuality.
22. Judging by Clothing
Judging women by what they wear, especially if it’s risqué, is a common issue. This judgment often stems from a belief that certain outfits are inappropriate, even when they are perfectly acceptable. Learning to accept and appreciate diverse styles is a step toward overcoming this bias.
—mini_k1tty
23. Resentment Toward Pretty Privilege
Resentment toward pretty privilege is another form of internalized misogyny. Some women feel overlooked due to their weight, leading to self-blame and a sense of not belonging. Addressing these feelings is crucial for building self-esteem and confidence.
What forms of internalized misogyny do you find yourself grappling with? Sharing your experiences can help others recognize and work on their own biases. Let us know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your thoughts using the form below.
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