Psychologist shares lifelong common sense lessons for kids
Children often surprise adults with their ability to learn quickly—whether it’s walking, talking, or riding a bike. But what about more practical skills, like remembering to look both ways before crossing the street or using a towel to handle a hot pan? These are examples of common sense, a skill that doesn’t always come naturally but requires guidance and experience.
Research shows that even infants have a basic sense of right and wrong. For instance, babies as young as three months may prefer “helpful” characters in studies, and by their first birthday, many are already comforting others. However, while this moral awareness appears early, experts suggest that common sense—the ability to make sound, practical judgments—develops more slowly and needs nurturing.
To explore how children develop everyday judgment, Bisakimia spoke to two parenting experts—psychologist Dr. Marlene Maron and parenting coach Ann McKitrick—about whether common sense comes naturally or must be taught.
Common Sense Takes Time
McKitrick, an early childhood educator, said: “Common sense is something that develops with time, of course, however even very young children are famous for their concrete approach to problems.”
She notes it won’t “fully develop until thinking becomes more abstract in adolescence.” That said, we all know that there are limits to a teen’s common sense—it’s a matter of experience and maturity and continues to develop through young adulthood.
In other words, while babies may be born with a moral compass, it takes years of real-world experiences to build the kind of reasoning adults might label “common sense.”
Why Experience Matters
The phrase “use your common sense” is often said when someone acts without thinking—but experts agree that children need to be taught how to think through situations on their own.
“I would encourage parents to allow their children to experiment and learn from experience rather than do for them,” Maron, the chief psychologist, psychological services at UVM Medical Center at University of Vermont Health Network, told Bisakimia.
“This would mean parents cultivating capacity to tolerate distress, mistakes, and failure in their kids. Not easy. It would also entail modeling figuring things out and talking about situations as they arise that call for this kind of judgment.”
Let Kids Face Consequences
It’s often easier for parents to step in and act as their child’s brain, but McKitrick, the founder of Nurtured Noggins, advises against doing so—unless it’s unsafe.
She said: “When parents hover over play, solving conflicts, insisting on helping them share or go retrieve that ball time and time again, the child doesn’t feel the natural consequences of their actions and may not feel confident or equipped to manage interactions on their own.
“The best way for us to encourage this kind of cognitive growth is to give opportunities for children to experience natural consequences.”
Examples of this include:
- Gently cleaning up the highchair tray and saying “all done” when a child begins tossing food over the side on purpose
- Suggesting something else to play with when a child intentionally throws a ball over the fence
- Letting them help care for another child they’ve hurt by fetching an ice bag or drink of water
Common Sense Through Play and Connection
McKitrick told Bisakimia: “Children who have had an opportunity to make choices for themselves, lots of open-ended play, and plenty of social interactions with children as well as adults outside the family will have the best advantage for cognitive development.
“Parents who offer a variety of life experiences as well as ample time for unstructured play, limited screen time, lots of exploration outdoors and conversation that supports thinking will help their children develop critical thinking skills.
“It’s important for parents to understand what’s developmentally appropriate for your child at each age and to have a strong network of other parents, family and friends.”
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